OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
