careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
