Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize