is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
