good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
