That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
