it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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