i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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