how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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