We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
