update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
