fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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