Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
