Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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