She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
