you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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