I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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