dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
