Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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