Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
