Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
