Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
