i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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