I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
