Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
