What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
