i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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