If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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