I just pynch a tree in the face
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
