dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
