I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
