I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
