you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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