I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
false alarm. still invincible.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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