So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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