In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
