Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
