if you like me you must not know who I am
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
