Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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