Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
