i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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