I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
