So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
