does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
