My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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