dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
