i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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