After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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