Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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