dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
