I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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