I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
