i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
