And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
