Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
