I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
