It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
