I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
