Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
