I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You ate ashes out of my bong
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
