she woke up with a sticky ear
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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