Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
