Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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