I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
