She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
