i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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