I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
