Welp...herpes.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize