You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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