Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
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