Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
