Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
is that a dick in a sweater?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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